So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
