if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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