I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize