I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize