I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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