he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
