My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
