Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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