Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
