are you still at the devil's house?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
