I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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