As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
