Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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