Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
