I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
