I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
