Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone came in the potted fern
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
