i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
