so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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