and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I love you.
Bad choice
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