bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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