No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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