I cut my penus on the lid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The air was thick with penises
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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