Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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