Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
