We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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