I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
