i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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