um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
