I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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