Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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