I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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