maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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