You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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