I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
