Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
