bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
