So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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