i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so let's talk penis.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
