I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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