Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
