he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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