Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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