you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
