No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
