my mouth tastes like poor choices
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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