This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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