see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
