I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
