Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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