So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
