I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
