And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
