if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Even my vagina gasped.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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