just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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