I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize