I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Your dad touched me again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
