One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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