Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
