Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
