He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
