These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
