So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
