Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
