I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
