Having a random hookup so left but love u
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
