i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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