Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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