oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
