Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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