he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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